Loneliness is a feeling many women are familiar with. But why does it happen? Why do some people feel it more intensely and notice it more often, while others hardly experience it at all? What does it depend on? Let’s break it down.
Loneliness exists in the mind, and it’s essentially a personal strategy—it’s about how you behave toward others. That’s the only thing that determines it. In other words, it’s impossible to truly become lonely in this world, no matter what. Even if you live alone physically—staying at home in your room, working by yourself, or spending your free time solo—it doesn’t mean you’re destined to feel lonely. It’s your behavioral strategy, your mental framework, that creates this world for you. It’s entirely your choice: your actions, your words, your facial expressions, your gestures, and your reactions. These are the things that create loneliness for you—nothing else. In short, you choose to be lonely.
No, it’s because they’re afraid of getting hurt. A person chooses loneliness for two main reasons:
The first and most important reason is the fear of being hurt—betrayed, deceived, taken advantage of, misunderstood, or not given enough attention. For example, you open up and share something personal, but the other person dismisses it, ignores it, or acts like they didn’t even notice you. It feels like your inner world is being judged, rejected, or overlooked. You share something meaningful, and you’re met with indifference. If you’ve ever noticed in conversations among women, there’s often a lot of ignoring going on. Each woman tends to talk mostly about herself. You might throw in a light comment here and there, but the focus is always on yourself. And if there are three or four of you talking at once, everyone is chattering, but no one is really listening. It’s like a law of physics—you literally can’t hear each other because everyone is talking simultaneously.
If women share the same mindset and have common interests, they can become great friends and complement each other. This can create a fantastic bond—until a man comes along and potentially ruins everything, breaking the connection that once united you. What brings you together and keeps you united is your shared sense of fulfillment—your interests, your reactions, your way of evaluating situations, and your mentality. These are the things that connect you, and it’s important to seek out people who share your mentality. You need to carefully select and build your circle of friends, just like you would choose a partner.
This isn’t something you should leave to chance. Many people think, “Oh, I’ll just meet someone,” but no—you need to be intentional about it. Just like you carefully pick out your clothes, shoes, lingerie, or a handbag that matches your style, you should also be thoughtful about choosing your friends.
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It’s not about settling for the first person who strikes up a conversation or wants to chat. Most people don’t put this much effort into it, but they should. If you want to have true friends, you need to be very deliberate in your selection and make it a priority.
If you don’t want to feel lonely, don’t rely solely on a man. Many women think that a romantic partner will fulfill all their social needs, but that’s a mistake. Having girlfriends is essential. You can see this in the lives of older women—if your grandmother doesn’t have close friends, she likely lives a very dull life and may take out her frustrations on you. Everything she does might be tinged with irritation directed at you. But if she had girlfriends, she could vent and share her feelings with them instead. Without friends, she might nitpick at you, saying things like, “Your skirt is wrong,” or “Your hairstyle isn’t right,” and so on.
If you don’t want to become that kind of bitter, uninteresting older woman who makes life difficult for everyone around her, start building friendships now. You should approach this with the same care and intention as you do when choosing a gym, your clothes, your lingerie, your lifestyle, your city, your hobbies, or even your hairstyle. It’s the same with friends. You need to open yourself up in this direction and be both pragmatic and emotionally available. Look for people who think like you, live in a similar style, and share your interests. Connect with them intentionally because friendships don’t just happen on their own. Women don’t stumble into friendship—they have to create it.
Yes, if they are intentional about it. If you want to have a friendship, you’ll find a girlfriend, and you’ll have a great time with her. She won’t replace a man, though—no, a man brings a certain feeling that no woman can replace. You don’t need a girlfriend in bed, but you do need a girlfriend in life—for your soul, for emotional support. Women’s intellect is generally focused on comfort, beauty, and coziness, but not so much on achievements. The male mind is all about achievements: “I did this,” “I’ll do that,” plans, plans, and more plans. But the female mind is about beauty, impressions, and dreams. And when it comes to sharing impressions and dreams, it’s better to do that with your girlfriends.
But you’re the one pushing them away. You’re the one distancing yourself from your friends, often before they even see it coming. You think, “I don’t need any competition—I need to get rid of them all so he only looks at me.” Why would you want someone around who might catch his attention, make him laugh, and suddenly seem more interesting than you? “What if she’s prettier? What if she’s sexier?” No, no, no.
But here’s the thing: you’re not spending every single hour of his life with him. You can still text your girlfriends as much as you want. You can be virtual friends, go to the salon together, hit the gym, chat about things, or send each other funny videos—things that men would never find funny. When you send a video to a man, he might just say, “What’s so special about that?” Or when you say, “Let’s buy this,” he might reply, “Sure, no problem.” Men never pick up on hints. Never.
Men don’t get hints. Don’t hint at things with men—you need to tell them directly. Girls, you can be subtle and indirect with each other, but with a man, you have to say exactly what you want and how you want it. You need to spell it out because he might not figure it out on his own. If he says no, then he says no—that’s better than you sitting around hoping he still loves you. He might not even realize you ever loved him or had feelings for him. He won’t get it. He’ll just think, “She’s a nice girl. Someone’s lucky to have her,” and that’s it. Then he’ll go off to university or move on with his life, and some bolder girl might come along and tell him, “You’re amazing.”
One reason might be that some girls are afraid of scaring guys off or don’t want to come across as needy. But the main thing is to avoid having the intention of using a man. The truth is, many girls do have that intention, which is why they hint instead of speaking directly—and men pick up on that right away. They might pretend not to understand, but men aren’t as clueless as they seem. When they sense you’re trying to use them, they get it. They might let themselves be used, or they might not, but they definitely understand the hints. Men are pretty good at playing this game.
The problem is, if you don’t turn the relationship into something more meaningful, it just becomes an ordinary, mundane life. A man stuck in his routine, a woman walking around the apartment in a stretched-out T-shirt. Both of you barely fit through the door, metaphorically speaking—you’ve completely lost yourselves, swallowed up by family life. It’s not interesting for either of you. Naturally, he’ll never see you as beautiful again, and you won’t see him that way either, because when you first met, you were both different people.
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